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my pain reveals my soul
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in pass port to the future's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
10:29 pm
if you're not here...
if you find i have taken you off this journal but you're still on my other one its because this one i need to let out some... icky but important information. some of you will just find this too much information.
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
2:20 pm
i'm going TMI
i need a family free journal that i can just get out my TMI thoughts in. i imagine some of you may want to just be on my other journal so if that is the case just defriend me on this one and stay on my other journal. i don't put enough in here anyway.

this will be to much information.
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
10:05 am
had a long talk with my mom last night. i've asked her not to tell my dad or anyone. she was very upset. no you're not supposed to understand this. most of you don't know or possibly remember. but i think its going to get me out of alot of unwanted family crap. and nobody is going to force me to hug anyone.

Current Mood: numb
Saturday, August 5th, 2006
2:28 pm
if you watch project runway angela's little "rosettes" are little quilt blocks called 'yo-yos' as in i like yo-yo quilts. i think angelas outfits are 80's extreme. and she should learn to sketch. its very important in the business of creating art.
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
11:05 pm
port issues
outside of my port issues this time this was my best juicing. started having auras yesterday but never made it into seizures. if my hands hold up i'm going to go knit for a while, see if i can make some more progress. or maybe crochet. i'm still going to need to make some fingerless gloves for winter juicing.
Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
12:29 am
i'm a tomato
i've blown up like a tomato. its not pretty. at least my skin will be a nice pale tomorrow because its day 1 of juice. day 2 i'm always as red as a beet.
Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
5:14 pm
day 2 of juice
so wendy left the needle in my port yesterday--no biggie--but i must have crushed it against myself while i was sleeping. all 3 hours! i'm slightly mellow, 1 25mg benedryl and 1 norco (vicoden+)
had a small clot--no surprise--so mary had to pull it out a bit and wiggle it and it got great blood return.

kinda boring, aren't i? its all steroids on this side.

Current Mood: blah
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
3:20 pm
still gettin juiced
decadron and solumedrol are not the same steroid. its like comparing transformers and decepticons. they are different.

so my bone density scan came back (surprisingly the neuro said) normal. remember to take your calcium. my t-spine came back with new lesions. legs/lower body getting worse.

i'm on my last option. chemo is not option again. either cytoxan or novantrone. just avonex, decadron and when tysabri comes out i wait for insurance approval.

and people think i should just wait and see without meds!
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
11:49 pm
i guess i'm looking old
my 'alternative dress' makes me look older my nurse said today. in 2 weeks i have been guessed that i am in my 30's. i'm only 28! scarves and long skirts aren't supposed to make you look that much older.

i just figured it was the chemo and steroids.
Monday, March 27th, 2006
11:10 pm
tomorrow starts my next 2 days of steroids. blech.
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
3:25 pm
my eyes make me feel dizzy. joe is frisky and playing string and saucerball with jack. this is a picture of joe playing saucerball.
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
9:40 pm
shot night
i'm trying to think of more interesting things to say...

my nap was shorter than usual today.
i don't have much ambien left and i don't know if my insurance will cover it.
7:21 pm
how cut is this?
i got a new icon! this is joe precious doing his miraculous squeeze into the sink routine.

Current Mood: squishy
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
12:38 pm
movies with subtitles
cataloging my collection so i can ask for recommendations.

monsoon wedding
cafe au lait
divine intervention
nina's tragedies
xiu xiu
eat drink man woman
life is beautiful

i've seen alot of others but looking for ideas about what i might be missing. or what i should buy off my amazon wish list first : ] or check out of the library.
Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
12:44 pm
just talked to doc.
must continue steroids every 2 weeks til tysabri comes out. am such a moon!

Current Mood: lunch
Monday, March 20th, 2006
2:42 pm
to continue or not
i call the neuro tomorrow to find out if i continue steroids, hopefully get my test results. maybe i should cut down to once a month. its just the question of is this hurting me more than helping? and is he going to take my opinion like he did with the chemo (no chemo, no questions) i'm so not sure.
Friday, March 17th, 2006
6:42 pm
what guage is that needle?
i never had any problem with my leg emg so what up with all the bruises i have from these no guage needles? pain in the @$^.
Sunday, March 12th, 2006
3:57 pm
lunch with grandma and great aunt
or... welcome to the invisible illness!

they just don't get it. i look fine but i'm not fine. i'm getting worse. grandma finally understood but great aunt never got it.

of course they say i'm FINE! what else are they going to say? what a pain.
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
6:47 am
i have steroids today. they left the needle in my pass-port and i woke up sleeping face down instead of on my back or side so my arm is a little tender. its better than trying to sleep with a heplock, i've had to take those out myself and they're worse to get in.
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
2:15 pm
kissing is like food
i keep thinking about do i want to be kissing or eating... i want to be full. eat or screw--only no man available. its just as well, i don't want to put forth effort and cramp up. i'm thawing polish food for dinner, only missing a cabbage. probably too tired to cook it.

Current Mood: horny/hungry
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